Wednesday, February 18, 2015

A Scary Begining

So here we are again,

I find myself at a point in my life where I need to make real decisions. Not like what I'm going to make for diner tonight (stir fry) or what to do for Valentines Day (make a pillow fort and eat pizza with my husband Scott, here on out referred to as The Patron) but decisions I've put off for a long time. Most importantly, deciding what the answer is to the age old question: What do I what to be when I grow up?

Honestly, I have been avoiding this question for a long time now. I dabble, I don't decide. I try a little admin here, do a bit of marketing there, dip my toes in the waters of gallery management but I've never said, "This is it. This is what I'm going to do."

Well, "The time has come", the walrus said, "to talk of many things: of what Gwyn will do and where she will go and how she will spend her time from 9-5 on weekdays, and how she will be fulfilled in her career."



Fine. The walrus didn't say that last part. I add-libbed. Sue me. (please don't whoever owns the rights of Lewis Carroll's work) But friends, today I am going to take the first step in answering those questions.

The Patron always pushes me, in a great way. In a, you can do better, and I believe him because he has so much faith in me, sort of way. And because of him, I am ready to say that I am officially an artist. I am pursuing what I have wanted to pursue for a long time but have been too shy and closed off to do so. My occupation on government forms will now be filled out as artist. And when I get introduced to new people my answer to the question, "What do you do" will either be eat a lot of junk food, or I'm an artist.

Now, those of you who know me may be thinking one of two things, 1. I thought you already were an artist? (Thank you by the way, you had faith in me before I had faith in me) or 2. Gwyn, you are always so hesitant and shy about your work? Are you sure you can do this? (I suppose there is a third response that goes a little something like, Yawn, who cares... but I doubt those people are reading this anyways so I will continue) My answers to these statements are as follows. 1. I have been an artist since I was very little. I used to tell people all the time that I was an artist and that's what I was going to be when I grew up. Somewhere along the line though, I lost faith in myself. I thought that if I wasn't sitting in an office everyday I was not fulfilling my role as a viable part of my community. But i am done with that thinking. I'm ready to go back to the beginning now, or at least back to when I was proud of the goals I set for myself. 2. I am very protective of my art. I find it extremely personal, even when working on a piece for someone else. It's hard for me to lay work out there and not take things personally when people don't like something I've made. That's why I have a hard time talking about what I do and sharing what I am making, which I know is a vital part of being an artist... sharing your work. So, can I do this? I'm not sure... But I am going to push myself harder than I have before, and I'm going to give it a good ol' girl scout try.




1 comment:

  1. Wow! I can relate to so much of this! Good for you for! You are an artist!

    ReplyDelete